Self-talk is a powerful tool. As I’ve worked on it, I realized I had a real opportunity to think about the tone of voice I use with myself.

Optimal self-talk is not self-criticism. The tone should not be sharp or judgmental.

I’ve coached up countless underperformers. I’ve even coached people on how to coach.

But the voice and tone I used for self-talk was breaking all of the rules I’ve learned.

I was a crappy, borderline abusive self-coach with limited vocabulary and an overtly hostile tone.

If this hits home for you, you need to go back to the basics – and talk to yourself like you are a child.

Watch a loving mom or dad coaching a kid on how to hit a baseball for the first time.

Patience.

Optimism.

Praising even getting close.

Celebrating when the moment arrives and the bat hits the ball establishes norms that you should keep trying even though it is hard.

Self-talk should be the same, especially if you are trying something new. 

Or working on something that you are not good at.

Change the words of your self-talk.

Change the tone of your self-talk.

Take a step back and be a loving coach.