A few years ago, I was mentoring a young leader, focusing on how he was communicating with his direct reports in team meetings.
He was intelligent, hardworking, charismatic, and a confident speaker – but when it came to delivering tough messages, he was making a critical mistake.
“They are making us work overtime, but think about all of the money we are going to make. I don’t want to do it either, but we’re going to make the most of it as a team.”
“They are raising our quotas, but I’ve got a plan on how we are going to dominate the rankings and get big bonus checks!”
At first glance, one may be tempted to praise the optimism that he was delivering in the face of adversity. He wasn’t wallowing in the bad news. He had a plan. He was focused not on the bad news but his reaction to it.
His communication was good, but not great.
I followed up with one question.
Who is “they”?
If you go back and look at the messages above, the source of the bad news had a name.
That name is They.
They are making us work overtime.
They are raising our quotas.
When a leader blames an unnamed, undefined third party for bad news, it plants seeds of discontent. You may win the day or the week, but the faceless “they” becomes a shadow that hangs over every moment.
“They don’t care about us.”
“They don’t understand the strain of this request.”
“They are really in control.”
Employees cannot put a face to They. Employees cannot talk to They and understand why They are raising quotas, adding overtime, or creating some other discomfort.
A nameless, faceless, invisible agitator is ultimately in control—cynicism flourishes.
Leaders who consistently blame a “they” will create employees that praise the manager but hate the company. It’s a catalyst for unexplained burn-out and job frustration.
So what’s the solution?
Good organizations should focus on eliminating “they” from top to bottom. Openness, clarity, communication. Educating employees on the connectedness of decisions. Ensure everyone understands how it aligns with the company’s mission and goals. Most importantly, check for incentive alignment throughout
…but let’s be honest, a lot of companies struggle to do this. What can a front-line leader do if the company is not making it easy on them?
If possible, educate yourself and others on who They are. Give They a name, a face, and a voice. Allow They to come and speak to your team and explain why They make Their decisions. You and your team may not like what They have to say, but knowing and disagreeing is better than letting frustration and cynicism towards a faceless agitator flourish.
If this is not an option, leaders need to take on the role of They. It may seem unfair, but it would be better for your team’s long-term health to take on the responsibility yourself, even if the organization is flawed behind you.
Even if “They” are making you work overtime or raise quotas, leaders should use “We” or even “I” when delivering the message. Leaders are better off having their employees angry or frustrated with someone they can speak to than letting their employees get increasingly upset with someone or something they cannot communicate with.
Today’s post is an iteration of a lesson learned from Daniel Pink, who gives Robert Reich credit for teaching him.
Iterations 